Spain (España) is a country in southern Europe bordered by Portugal and France, the Mediterranean Sea on the east, and the Atlantic Ocean in parts of the west.  The origin of the name "España" comes from the Phoenician "i-spn-ya", although no one knows the meaning. Word has it that Pete Burns of Dead Or Alive summered there as a boy. Its prime exports are spandex, zyptel, and quality footwear. Football (soccer) is its national sport.  62% per cent of all religious people in Spain are Catholic but the other 38% is divided equally between neo-Druids and Wiccans.

                                                               Above: Druids

There are over 500 million Spanish speakers in the world. Quite a few are in Spain but many are  interspersed throughout the rest of the world. This means you might encounter one, and this situation might be enhanced by your ability to speak his language, and so in our efforts to broaden the cultural horizons of our readers we begin Volume 1 in the Lost At Sea Magazine Language Learning Series (L.A.S.L.L.S.).  The focus today will be Spanish.

Let us begin with a short phrase: "Donde se han ido los limpiabotas?"

It looks difficult, but you can learn it if you take your time and apply yourself.

Try saying it out loud. It's a question, so don't forget the inflection at the end.

"Donde se han ido los limpiabotas?".  Pronounce it correctly if you can.  Good!

Ok, now let's break it down word by word:

A. donde - "where"

B. se -  in this particular sentence means "they"

C. han - "have"

D. ido -  it means "gone"

E. los - "the"

F. limpiabotas - "bootboys"

Now say it again.

 "Donde se han ido los limpiabotas?"      CLICK ON IT YO

Well done - now you're ready to go out and use it in a real life situation!

Thankyou for your support.

- KM


Products You Need Vol. 4


From the David Flores/Phil Stern collaboration...  More here.

Transportation Security Administration Notice!!


My 1970

@Jeff Milburn's shop in Dallas, Tx.


On a recent visit to a very toasty Dallas, Texas I stopped to enjoy a delightful iced coffee at a Starbucks  in the city's "tony" Uptown district. The blazing late summer heat, while a welcome change from the already autumn-like New York weather, was making me schvitz like a ham sandwich in a plastic bag, and I needed some refreshment.  As I waited at the counter I heard these words:

  "I've been bad - I've been good,
   Dallas, Texas - Hollywood,
   I ain't askin' for much -
   I said, Lord take me downtown, I'm just lookin' for some tush."

This sublime prose is of course the lyric to ZZ Top's immortal 1975 rock classic "Tush", and I believe the message is one we can all relate to in this time of cultural upheaval - because after all, aren't we all just looking for some Tush?


Anyway, as I listened to the guitar riff I recognized a strong similarity to the riff in a Motörhead song - specifically "No Class", from my favorite Motörhead album, 1979's "Overkill", and played by Fast Eddie Clarke.


Moments later, as a rubenesque bleached blonde with the word JUICY emblazoned on her outsized tuckus waddled by, it occurred to me that the song "Say What You Will" by Fastway had a very similar riff as well! Hmmm THREE songs with the same riff!?  WTF!?


Fastway, of course, is the band formed in 1982 by Fast Eddie after he left Motörhead, joined by bass legend Pete Way of UFO (hence the name) - and eventually featured Humble Pie's Gerry Shirley on the drums (after Topper Headon, recently fired from The Clash, decided he didn't want to commit to the band full time. Those in the know will remember he had "other interests" at the time).  Lead vocals were provided by a very young, then-unknown ginger-haired heavy metal squealer by the name of Dave King. Dave later went on to massive success with Pogues-influenced band Flogging Molly but doesn't like to talk about Fastway as he never got paid, and who can blame him.

So getting back to the point,  it appeared that Fast Eddie, while writing songs for his new band, thought to himself, "Well it's my riff, it's a good riff - why not use it again in a new song?".

[Sigue Sigue Sputnik took this concept to the next level in 1986 when they used the same song 8 times on their excellent album Flaunt It.]

- And as anyone who's ever written music knows, one aspect of songwriting really is just about piecing together little sections of music - a verse, a chorus, a solo section, etc. Sometimes they're interchangeable and just need to be arranged in a way that works. So Eddie added a little descending scale to the old riff and "Presto!", another rock n roll classic!

I hummed it to myself and it my theory seemed valid. Imagine my excitement knowing I was about to "expose" Fast Eddie's sneaky tactics to the world..!



 But then I actually listened to "Say What You Will" again and realized that it wasn't that similar at all really, and so my entire genius discovery was now debunked and writing an article about it an almost pointless exercise.
Conveniently, not having a point or anything relevant to say has rarely kept me from doing so, and so diligently I decided to press on.

Still I wondered where he originally got the riff from - was it an accident, had he heard it before but forgot the connection, or was it an homage, him being fully aware of the similarity?  Did he make it up himself, or did he "borrow" the riff from ZZ Top?

Not that anyone could fault him for it - "borrowing" is a commonly accepted practice in the rock and roll world. Sometimes cleverly disguised as "inspiration", (or not), everyone from David Bowie to The Who's Pete Townsend (below) have engaged in this practice from time to time with great success.

 There's the story about how the riff for "I Can't Explain" supposedly came to Pete Townsend while he was in his dressing room before a gig. (seen below skateboarding)

In the next dressing room over, The Kinks were playing their new single "All Day and All of the Night" on a record player - Pete heard it through the wall and caught the riff, but out of time and flipped, and "Presto!" another rock and roll classic.*

"Hello, I Love You" by The Doors sounds suspiciously (i.e. exactly) like this song as well, to the extent that BMI Europe awarded The Kinks royalties The Doors had coming without so much a legal hearing. In the US it would have involved legal action against The Doors but the Kinks never pressed the issue because Ray Davies "thought they were nice guys".

"Certain people" argue that the riff for David Bowie's "Rebel Rebel" sounds somewhat like the Rolling Stones' "Satisfaction" in reverse, but that's another yet story again....

*The Clash would later add a few more chords to a similar riff for their classic "Clash City Rockers" - did they borrow or steal or neither? You be the judge, but honestly who really cares, it's the Clash after all...

Anyway, I gave Fast Eddie a call and left a message but am still waiting to hear back. I did find out through other means however that the truth of "Say What You Will" was much less contrived than I had imagined. The band were recording at Sterling Sound in New York City and basically finished the new album but needed one more track, so they quickly threw a song together, not thinking much of the result. At one point the engineer leaned over and said "Man, this is a great rack - this going to be a smash!"  Eddie and Gerry looked at each other and shrugged, "We don't like this one very much."

"Say What You Will" ended up being their biggest hit ever in the USA.

Fastway's latest album "Eat Dog Eat" was released in April and is available on iTunes.

Here's another insane Motörhead video clip just for giggles - live with Fast Eddie in 1981...


POSTSCRIPT: It's important not to confuse Fast Eddie Clarke with the "Fast Eddie" referenced in the Rose Tattoo song "The Butcher and Fast Eddie" - the true story of a showdown between two rival Sharpie gang leaders in early 70's Melbourne, Australia.   Fast Eddie Clarke may be a cold-blooded entertainer, but he's a warm-hearted individual - unlike the one referenced in the song - and he's alive, living in England - unlike the one referenced in the song - Because if you listen,  you'll know, "The Butcher! He put Fast Eddie dowwnnnnnnn....."

- Karl Monroe

Nice Boys Don't Play Rock n Roll...  Australia's ROSE TATTOO in 1982.

Thankyou for your support.


As you all may know, the tentacles of the L.A.S. Worldwide Organization reach far and wide, across the seven seas and around the Earth, from the highest echelons of the lizard illuminati into the lowest reaches of the criminal underworld - the very dregs, filth, and scum of the Earth. 

 With moles in the FBI, CIA, IRA, KGB, MI5, Italian Mafia, Mexican Mafia, Yakuza and Bozozoku, we are more than equipped to keep a finger on the pulse (and elsewhere) of the planet, keeping you informed of its inner workings and machinations.

 But it's important to not forget about what goes on at home, in our own backyard as it were, and trust us when we say that you're about to see why - in this shocking exposé.

 As you have correctly assumed, we have a mole entrenched deep in Mayor Bloomberg's offices here in New York City, and with the aid of a miniature camera purchased from a magazine we are able to reveal to you these disturbing plans to convert the whole of New York City into a massive prison.

 In these schematics, created with the use of sophisticated computer technology, we see the planned "Containment Wall" and the conversion of Liberty Island into a "Security Control" station.

 The existence of the Twin Towers in these disturbing images indicates the planning stages have been in effect since before September of 2001, possibly originating during Mayor Giuliani's tenure, in keeping with his notorious Gestapo tactics and what some felt was a heavy-handed approach to city management.

Here you can see that construction has already begun on the city's West Side with high fencing near Pier 59 (cleverly disguised as a golf driving range).

This final image below reveals a possible Nuclear Fail-safe Plan (TM) to destroy the entire island if the prison population becomes uncontrollable and/or unprofitable.



Our source at Rikers Island Prison revealed conditions there to be highly overcrowded, and this may be the root of these plans - at this juncture it is difficult to ascertain when full activation will commence but it is advised that NYC residents and tourists leave as soon as possible.

Rikers Island - Photo by LAS-NYC SKYCAM 

We will continue to monitor the situation.

Thankyou for your support.

- K.M.

Magic Trick of the Week Vol. 3

Step 1.  Take your age.

Step 2.  Subtract three.

Step 3.  Now add three.

... That's your age!



Poison Ivy & Lux Interior


Poison Ivy and Lux Interior, Los Angeles.  

 LISTEN to the brain-melting sound of a Weiand Supercharger here...

 SEE the practical applications of Weiand products in this clip from Mad Max...



I was recently invited to visit the 59 Club Museum in Hackney Wick, London and had the rare opportunity to view some of their old photo journals, so I thought I'd share an excerpt from one of them, in this case documenting a weekend from autumn of '63....


Below: Always lots of work to be done around the clubhouse....

"Well yes Baz, I do agree it makes more sense to hang the sign in front of the building."

Here we see the lads (and ladies) gearing up for a ride....

"I still maintain there is NO WAY we can fit all these in the van, and Fiona this is really no time for muffin buffin'!"

After saving all through the Spring and Summer, Freddy Smalls was finally able to buy the Triumph he'd been dreaming about!

"Yes it does get louder when you twist that one you knob-end."

*Following an accident plagued August, today marked the third consecutive weekend that the Harlsden "Death or Glory Mob" arrived in Parade Formation without hitting a single pedestrian.

Little Ricky Pickwick rode in all the way from Twickenham!

And Des, Tez, Baz, Maz, and Magoo all came from Brighton.

Ian 'Spider' Woolsley flew down the M1 on his supercharged Dunstall Norton only to get held up in traffic at Stamford Bridge due to Chelsea v. West Ham football aggro.

*Photo taken from the back seat of a Hillman Imp by aspiring shutterbug Georgie "Pilchard Freak" Basildon, age 7.

Despite Father Bill's "Blessing of the Bikes", the day was not without incident, however...

Chas Brilleaux had a temper tantrum in Shepherd's Bush and refused to move despite Gavin and Arthur's best efforts...

Above: Bernie Saville working on his Triumph T110, sidelined with carburetor problems. It was suspected that a small bird* had been sucked into the air inlet after he removed the filter in a misguided bid to add horsepower.

 *The bird was later found in between the float and the slide and emerged unharmed!

 A few people got lost along the way...

"Well I suppose we'll just have to turn around..."

"Look at the size a dem facking _______!"

"This is definitely not it."

The recent purchase of a Ford Transit van has proved invaluable for the many runs to Tesco for sausages.

The lads all came rolling in around 4 - just in time for tea and cakes...

Parking was always tight along the front unless you used the lot down the street and took the shuttle bus.

L to R: Peter "Pudding" Nesbitt,  Johnny Fingers, Chas Muggins, Little Filbert, and "Harry" (surname unknown)...

Above: The Islington "No Helmets No Bikes Gang" arrived via train from Islington... 
L to R: Mukker DelGrady, Gaz Smalls, Nigel Dexter, Blive Crooks, Felicity Woodcock, Lenny Lipton, Del Boy Smalley, Bertie Langlitz, Ginger Pilchard, Danny Pudding, Barry Heathrow Gatwick-Lloyd, Andy "Sausage" Becksley, Des Daley, Clarkey Twickles, Bomber Tibbins, (absent from photo: Baz Newpork)

Above: The notion of this being a "No Cover Charge Saturday" seems to be lost on these daft muppets caught here attempting to sneak in through the kitchen by loanshark and Club Photographer Roland "If you're on the dole, go see Rol" Baubles.

Above: Baz Twindlethorpe avoiding payment yet again by finishing his drink before reaching the counter!

Boppin' to the high school bop...

Mickey found himself some quality crumpet and took a break from the dancefloor...

They were later married and moved to the country to raise rabbits in the rolling green fields of grass near Luton Airport.


* special thanks to Father Liam Gallagher (59 Club Archivalist) for access to these wonderful photographs.

- Karl Monroe

Thankyou for your support.